You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
