just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
