Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
