I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
