if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
