It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
