you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Alive.
So much puke
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
