Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
