Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
