Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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