how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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