and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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