I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This baby is an asshole
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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