Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Come on in and take your pants off
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