the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I could fuck to npr.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
