this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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