Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
