Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
