1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
