Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
