the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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