I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
