Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
two words...techno handjob
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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