your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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