I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am midnight drunk by noon
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
