Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
