Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Vodka?
Forever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
COCAINE IS GR8
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
