No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
