his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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