I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
