She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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