babies were throwing up all over the place
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My bed smells like the plague
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
