Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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