very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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