i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."