Christians are straight up FREAKS
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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