I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
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idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.