Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Your tits are I can't wait for
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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