I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
