I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
