omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My cat gives me a boner
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
