we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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