I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
