Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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