Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize