how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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