I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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