You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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