she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
