i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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