I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
