i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
