1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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