Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
