K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
