Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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