Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
