Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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