i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
