by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
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On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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