ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
