I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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