I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
