it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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