I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You took a bar mat shot.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
