What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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