I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
