So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
