dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
