The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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