he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
