There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
