I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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