I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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