That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
