FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
