Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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