I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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