i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
