he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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