the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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